Saturday, July 7, 2007

Run for your lives!!

There was a small headline on page A14 of today's Vancouver Sun which has caused me some alarm, Blog People. I don't want to create any sort of unnecessary panic here if you were fortunate enough to have missed this terrifying article, but in the circumstances, I think we need to band together.

Aliens may be 'too weird' to spot. Extraterrestrial life may well be so weird we would not immediately recognize it…

I mean, this is just staggering. Of course the only way I am going to recognize an alien is if it looks like:

1. The traditional little green man, bulbous of head and scrawny of limbs, prone to abductions and inappropriate probing.
2. ET
3. Us except for pointy ears (in which case it could just as well be an elf, not an alien), or an excessively wrinkly forehead.
4. Robin Williams
5. Brian Williams, the sportscaster. Those eyes! Every time he does the Olympics, I get nervous.

So I've been running around my house, trying to keep an open mind. Why is that geranium in my front planter facing the house when all the others are facing away? It's…it's watching me! With subtle dehiscing, it's sending tiny communication pods wafting back to the Mother Bed!

Or wait! That little pile of glittery substance I recently vacuumed up off my living room carpet. It was just below the fireplace hearth and I had thought it was just some of the granite chipping off. But perhaps not! Perhaps it was the forefront of a crystalline invasion! Prepare to be stoned!

Must. Remain. Calm. What else around here is so weird I might not immediately recognize it as an alien?

AAAAAAA! What's that in the mirror?? It's -- it's --


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